Because I Love Sex Pest Denmark and Grumpy Norway
by 8moonflower8
Summary: Pretty much what the title says :  How these two get on and what the other nations think about their strange relationship.


**WARNING:** Not rated M, but there are sexual references (man on man) and language.

I usually prefer to use names rather than countries, so it might sound a bit weird. I'm aware it's probably more correct for England to be Britain, but England sounds better. Was also meant to be shorter, but ... well it grew lol. Hetalia characters belong to Himaruya.

Also massive thanks yous to everyone who faved and reviewed my other stories :D That is much joy!

**Because I love sex pest Denmark and grumpy Norway.**

England was visiting Denmark, for his relatively routine discussion of Anglo-Scandinavian relations with the five Nordics. They were all just settling around the table, in the centre of which rested a large bowl of sweets (donated by Finland). The Brit pulled a large stack of papers, notes, and charts from his briefcase, and set them out in front of him. He cleared his throat, all set to start out with his own (very British) suggestions for IKEA improvements when –

"Hey Norge?"

"..."

"Norge?"

"..."

"Norge!"

"WHAT!" The smaller nation snapped.

"Watch! Watch this." With that Denmark grabbed a round, red sweet from the bowl and hurled it above his head. Norway raised an eyebrow. England just watched. He was used to this kind of shit, he_ was_ allied with America after all, but...

The sweet landed perfectly in Denmark's mouth. Looking irrationally pleased with himself, he stuck his tongue out to show Norway.

"You are a complete dick," said Norway calmly, and once more turned his back on the Dane.

"Aww come on Norge, don't be so grumpy." When he got no response, he turned to England, winked and said:

"He's just pissed because there's something in my mouth other than him."

England cringed as he saw what was coming. The large folder Norway had been holding made contact with Denmark's head.

"AH! Son of a bitch!"

Norway turned to his brother. "Iceland, would you be so kind as to let me know the outcome of the meeting? Apologies England." And he left.

Later, as the meeting concluded, there was one more thing England wanted to check before returning home. He caught Finland just as he was about to leave.

"Finland. Sorry for asking, it seems somewhat rude, but are they always like that?"

There was a big US vs. Canada hockey game one afternoon, and since America had just purchased a ball-bustingly expensive TV, they felt it was their duty to invite some other nations to watch. America pretty much forced them too, whether they gave a crap about hockey or not. In other words, he wanted to show off his new TV. Canada entered the crowded room with a bowl of popcorn. After taking a handful, he passed it to Denmark.

"Hey Norge, is that a hockey stick or are you just pleased to see me?"

"I will end you."

"Aww come on, I'll let you blow _my_ whistle at half time."

"Shut your bacon making pastry producing mouth or I'll shut it for you."

"With what?"

Norway chose not to answer, but instead passed the bowl on to Sweden. The next few minutes everyone was pretty quiet and distracted by the game, excluding the goal celebration from Canada that, somehow, no-one seemed to notice. Even America was pretty quiet; he was busy eating a superhuman amount of popcorn.

"Hey Norge?" Denmark whispered.

He didn't look away from the TV. "What is it Denmark?"

"Puck – er up."

With that, Norway delivered him an almighty bitch slap.

Canada subtly nudged Sweden in the ribs. When Sweden eventually noticed him and looked down, the Canadian asked, "Are they always like that?"

It was Italy's birthday, and he had decided he wanted nothing more than all the nations to meet up at his place and share national recipes and celebrate love of food. And as usual, Germany couldn't quite refuse the pleading look the Italian gave him. Also, as usual, he would crush any nation that tried using the excuse "Oh, sorry I can't make it, my economy's in the shitter right now..." But most were only too happy to take a break from their other duties. France was already whipping up some cream, and England was already edging away from him. And others were edging away from England (and his food.) Denmark was checking through his ingredients.

"Norge?"

"Hmm?"

"You think these cherries are off?" Without waiting for a reply, he popped one into Norway's open mouth. He spluttered in surprise but ate the sticky fruit anyway, the beginnings of a blush spattered across his cheeks.

"No. They're fine."

"Good." Denmark grinned and tossed them into his bowl.

Ten minutes later, Denmark had what Norway guessed was some kind of cake mix. Although it was equally possible to be some kind of stew. But then that wouldn't explain the cherries... He thrust a spoonful of it at Norway.

"Norge! Try it yeah?"

"No. I don't want that crap near my mouth."

"Well, I could put something else near your – "

"Shut it."

"Aww come on, please?"

"What exactly is in it?"

Denmark's grin got even wider. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

Norway rolled his eyes. Anything to shut him up.

"Fine."

He opened his mouth slightly. Denmark slowly slid in the spoon, Norway was surprised by his unusually gentle approach. He also established the dish was sweet, although he was still at a loss as to what it actually was.

"So? What do you think?"

"...Good." Norway turned back to his own dish.

France, noticing their exchange, stopped trying to smother England with the creamy dessert he had made and whispered to Iceland; "Hey? Are they always like that?"

It was New Year's Eve (for China) and everyone had gathered at his house to celebrate with him. However, it was still early, and the nations were chatting amongst themselves, more than one with a drink in their hand.

Iceland approached Finland and Sweden, who were settled together by the fire.

"You seen Norway? I got him a drink."

"No, sorry!" Finland smiled. "He'll turn up somewhere. Don't worry."

Sometime later, the lampshades on the ceiling began to wobble. Then an audible banging came from the room above. It sounded a hell of a lot like...

"TAKE THAT YOU DANISH BASTARD!"

And the room was quiet.

"SHITTING CRAP BASTARD FUCK FUCKING NORWAAAAAY! AHHH!"

England dropped his drink.

"Shut up, they'll hear – OH DEAR GOD YESSSS!"

"I KNOW RIGHT!"

Muffled moaning.

"AHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

"Love you too babe – AH!"

The thumping got faster, all the more prominent in the silent room.

China cleared his throat. "So," he turned to the remaining Nordics, "Are they always like that?"

They answered as one: "Yes."

France hurriedly left the room, muttering something about improving Franco-Scandinavian relations...


End file.
